Monday, August 25, 2014

How To Get Yourself Knighted in 7 Easy Steps

Hello, all! Long time, no see! I apologize for being absentee on this blog for a while, and here is a feeble attempt to rectify the oversight.

As some people know, I recently moved to England from New York. I'm loving being back in the mother country, and reveling in some of the most basic changes: tea every single day (yum!), debating the proper words for various articles of clothing, re-learning each of the teeny-tiny coins by touch to avoid looking foolish at Starbucks, constantly explaining to people that I *am* a citizen, even though I have a funny accent, and allowing myself to believe that I'll run into Harry Potter and/or Hugh Grant at any given corner...to name a few.

In honor of the recent move - and my inability to keep touch with reality - here are some UK-inspired laughs to get you through your Monday.



#1: This extremely newsworthy front-page story on The Guardian online






#2: This gent who gets himself into a tight squeeze





#3: These everyday struggles





#4: You can also follow VeryBritishProblems on Twitter





#5: Sirs Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen


Because American football perplexes them

Because they are the best duo in the history of mankind
And because we <3 them as much as they <3 each other


#6: This Ikea in Wembley that ran a feline-friendly social experiment




#7: And finally, this picture of David Cameron


Because I can.


Now, in honor of the Bank Holiday, I'm off to enjoy a cup of Earl Grey and a jaunt out in the rain. Ta!

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The Carlton Dance Makes a Glorious Comeback

If there are two things you can count on from me, one is an awkwardly-intimate love for 90's TV shows, and the other is busting out some sweet moves on the dance floor.

Combine those two passions and you get: The Carlton Dance.

This is one of my all-time favorite things in life. I'm not even going to try and pretend I haven't broken it out in public, much to the embarrassment of those around me. I have no regrets.

The Carlton Dance was immortalized by Alfonso Ribeiro on the sitcom 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air', and 17 years after the show ended, this beautiful display of dance was resurrected on a 2013 episode of 'The Graham Norton Show'. I may never be able to explain to you what Jaden Smith is wearing, but I can tell you this: this collaboration between the Smiths, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Ribeiro is pure magic.

Will Smith's journey down memory lane begins at 1.26 and includes an original rap, selections from the song 'Switch' (always a classy move), the Fresh Prince theme song and the Carlton Dance. Feel free to sing and dance along. I know I did.

Also: you're welcome.






Check out Carlton Banks' original swag here:



Thursday, June 5, 2014

You Nailed It, Thor

Nobody likes Mondays and nobody likes mornings. Let's all just agree on that now.

This Great Dane puppy expresses my own early-morning (or any morning...) sentiments. Witnesses will testify that I make similar - if not identical - sounds when awoken from a glorious slumber. I mean that growl is spot-on.

NAILED IT!







And if humans beings are more your speed, this clip from 'Friends' might clarify how I act in the morning.



Monday, May 12, 2014

Is Everybunny Ready for Summer?

Winter this season was downright BRUTAL, and it lasted far, far too long. No one escaped unscathed as Mother Nature brought the hammer down on nearly every state in the Union. No offense to those ill-prepared southern states, but welcome to the icy Hell we Northerners endure Every. Single. Winter.

And all the while, we waited not-so-patiently for the thaw to set in and the flowers to bloom. Alas, Spring decided to take a sabbatical this year, cheekily waving to us from a distant sun-filled haven of glory.

Just as we all began to wonder if the torture would ever end - BAM! summer finally crashed the party. Now, before we all begin complaining about the heat and begging for snow again, let us take this moment to appreciate the sudden onset of warmer weather.

Here to officially usher in the summer season is somebunny very cute!

I give you our adorable little mascot: 'Bunny Rabbit Eating Raspberries'. Awww!




"I feel pretty..."



"...Oh so pretty!"
 





Tuesday, April 22, 2014

"But Never Doubt I Love"

I don't know about you, but even though spring has finally sprung, I've been feeling a bit down as-of-late. Luckily, there is one thing in this world that will always lift my spirits, if only momentarily. What is this magical item? you must be wondering. Is it chocolate? Shirtless photos of Ryan Gosling? The ongoing fantasy that you will one day conquer and rule your own nation?*

All extremely valid guesses, and they certainly all bring a smile to my face. However, the happiness-machine to which I refer is even more pure, more genuine and more irresistibly silly. I present unto you, Happiness in Physical Form:





What a dapper, young gentleman-pig! Ready to set off into the world and blaze his own trail.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love squealy-wheely piglets - big, small, spotted, pink, covered in mud - I don't care. I love them all.

And so, for my self-indulgence and your viewing pleasure, this blog post is dedicated to the physical embodiment of joy; my spirit animal, my patronus (no doubt about that one).

Sit back, enjoy and let the cuteness wash over you.




These Little Rascals Snacking on an Apple





This Little Tyke in Pajamas






This Nose Right Up in Yo Business






This Well-Behaved Herbivore

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/21/pig-eats-salad-in-a-delicate-manner_n_5187802.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063





This True Prince of Denmark








* I'm just waiting a for a little funding to come through on that one...

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Scaredy Moose

Life can be hard, and we all get ourselves into uncomfortable and embarrassing situations now and then. MOST adults can avoid getting their tongue stuck to an icy pole or sticking their head between the bars of a bike rack, but children and animals are particularly susceptible to the hazards of curiosity and poor spacial awareness.

This leads us to a rather delightful tale from my own childhood:

When I was kid, I had a pony (calm down: we lived on a farm). My pony was fat, gray and named Chauncy. He also lacked any understanding of his own, shall we say, breadth.

One day, we came home to find Chauncy stuck between two trees in his pasture; he had gotten his front end through just fine, but found difficulty once his stomach and hips met birch bark. As he attempted to back out, he wedged himself in tighter and tighter.

We tried wiggling him loose, but, in the end, my father had to cut down one of trees to get the not-so-little guy free. Chauncy learned a good life lesson and we had food for the wood-burning stove, so it ended up as a win-win for all parties.

Now, in remembrance of Chauncy and his - ahem - struggle, I present to you: Baby Moose Caught in a Gate.

Keep your head held high, buddy. It happens to the best of us.

Patience is a virtue, little guy.



** No ponies or moose were harmed in the making of this blog post **

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Sunshine in My Sky

Anyone who knows me decently well knows that I absolutely hate winter with a passion. Oh, the *idea* is nice and all - fresh white snow adorning the ground, the laughter of children as they sled away their snow day, hot cocoa by a crackling fireside, the romance of kissing amidst flurries - but the truth isn't as fun as all that. Everyone is thinking it, now I'm going to be the one to say it:

Winter sucks. Dirty snow sucks. That disgusting slushy/icy creation that comes after it rains, sucks. Massive pileups on highways suck. Digging out your car sucks. And that windchill, the one that makes your eyes water and eats away at your skin, that really sucks. 

So, what do we do about it, loyal readers? We crank up the heat, crack open a cold beer and listen to some jams about warmer weather. If we concentrate hard enough, maybe we can forget about the winter for a while and pretend we're somewhere warmer. 

Or we could all vent-blog about it, because that's cool, too.

Try out Kate Voegele's "Sunshine in My Sky" - works for me!



We could pack our bags and fly to Costa Rica,
You could swing me low and call me Rosalita...


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Ferrets Steal More Than Politicians...

...And Hide the Evidence Better.

I once had a cat - let's call her Monday...because that was her name - who used to steal money. Yes...money.

Monday liked to knock coins off the night table, the banister, anywhere her greedy little paws found zinc, nickel and copper. Then she would (pardon the pun) ferret the coins away into various areas around the apartment. She literally created nest eggs in the deep, dark crevices of the house.

I'm not sure what her ultimate plan was, but you had to admire her investment-savvy mindset. Although, it did make it harder to get my laundry done sans quarters...

So, with that in mind, I present to you, "Ferrets Stealing Stuff Compilations 2013" - what a catchy title.



"...Where are you going with the milk jug???"


If this doesn't make you want to get a ferret, I don't know what will.

Monday, February 10, 2014

"Life, It Ain't Easy'

So, do you guys remember Vitamin C? Of course you do. And you probably remember her hit song 'Graduation', which still makes you cry a little (and don't even try to pretend it doesn't - I see right through you).

But, you may also remember a little ditty by the name of 'Smile'. If you were conscious in the year 1999, chances are you heard the song and found it pretty catchy. And, seeing as MTV still played music videos back in the 90's (it's okay if you some of you tweens don't recall such a phenomenon), you may have even seen the video.

The music video for 'Smile' combines all great facets of 90's pop hits: neon lights, vibrantly-colored hair, ironically not ironic lyrics, choreographed dance moves you practiced in your bedroom and (the clincher) severely-cut crop-tops.

So, what does all this have to do with you? Glad you asked, loyal reader:

I routinely scour iTunes .69 song base for music that won't break the bank, and I recently stumbled across the aforementioned Vitamin C gem. I proceeded to download the song, regret the download for approximately 23 hours, revisit said song and finally decided, "Not the worst decision you've ever made." That's a win in my books.

It also prompted me to - gasp - smile, and eventually led to me to writing this post. Since my return from South America (check it: http://americangirlincochabamba.blogspot.com/), I've been pretty busy with work and trudging through mountains of snow, and have neglected to keep up with the 'If You're Happy and You Know It' blog. Apologies to die-hard fans.

Therefore, I present to you: The 'If You're Happy and You Know It' Reunion Tour 2014. Things were a little rocky for a while, but we're communicating better and our therapist says we're on the verge of a major breakthrough.

This means I will be posting more on the blog, with funny (and occasionally witty) updates, anecdotes, videos and photos. I can't promise weekly blogs like before, but I will do my best to stay in touch. If you like reading my posts, that's a big plus for you. If you hate me and everything I write on here, this is pretty bad news for you. Either way, I do hope you enjoy this installment.

Without further ado, I present to you, the impetus behind the re-awakened blog postings.

Enjoy Vitamin C's music video for 'Smile' here:




Also, you're welcome.